When The Donut Sprinkles Hit The Floor: An anxious mama's heart

I'm not quite sure when I allowed anxiety to start playing a role in my life.

I can vaguely trace it back to a time of loss in my life.  I was almost 18 and my mortality had become quite real.  A loss so big happened that rocked me to my core.  That innocent, carefree teenager spirit vanished.

I dealt with it the best way my 18 year old self knew how.

Flash forward just a few years.  I was living in CA and had anxiety so badly it was displaying itself physically.  This time I asked God for help.  Saw a therapist.  And it was dealt with.

Flash forward even farther.... Our first and third pregnancies end in loss.  But I, by the grace of God, am a mommy to 2 absolute little precious miracles.

But.  I find myself constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop (or because I have a love affair with donuts...), I am constantly waiting for the donut sprinkles to hit the floor.  It's like I have this irrational thought that if I prepare myself for said sprinkles (by of course anxiously over thinking every different scenario - which never happen) I can be in control.  Right there with my proverbial vacuum, waiting to clean them all up.  Making life all nice and neat again.

Basically, you take rational worries moms have and magnify them til they are no longer rational.

But logically I know this.  God did not call us to a neat, nice and clean life.  He did not promise us this.  He did however promise us that we would never walk alone through the messiness of life.

For at least 2 years now, I have made decisions based on fear.  The fear of the what if scenarios.  I continue to fear losing my precious girls.  or them being hurt.  Or something else happening to the precious family I have been blessed with.

Then recently, I clearly heard my loving Savior's voice tell me - that by not completely trusting my girls to Him, I was going to lose them.  (Literally... maybe not, but I do know if there is fear/anxiety/burdens in my heart, there is less room for love and the joy that they bring me!)


Wasn't I trusting Him?  Even with my family?

Then this scripture came upon my spirit: "I have not given you the spirit of fear" and my spirit continued to hear these words... "Where there is fear, there is no room for trust, only doubt."

Again.  Ouch.

Friends, I'm still in the process stages of this. So bear with me.  God sure is!  (he bears with us in all things. Even learning processes. Am I right?! HIS GRACE IS SUFFICIENT!).

So where am I going from here?  Right now I have asked God to help me replace my anxieties, my doubts, and my fears with praise.  Simply just stopping to praise THE ONE who has blessed me.  Covered me with grace.  And bears with me through all things.  To praise the one in whom it is safe to place my faith.

  Joshua 1:9 " This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For  the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

a few more scriptures on trusting God through fear and anxiety.  I've tried to link them all so they will be easy to read.  There are so many great scriptures out there, these are just a few of my favorites on this subject:

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