About a month ago I found a lump in my breast.
I'm a nursing mom, so initially I thought nothing of it. It must be a clogged/in larged duct right?!
Well. I couldn't get it to go away. It wasn't painful. It was a decent size and it just stayed there.
For days I did all the old nursing mom tricks. It didn't budge.
I called my ob just for advice and that's when they said they needed to see me right away. They squeezed me in the next morning.
I was a little concerned now. Mostly because I could tell by their urgency it wasn't something to take lightly.
I told Rob of course and that was it. I then asked my mom and a couple of super close friends to pray. It's a pretty private matter and really I probably wouldn't share this at all except. Well. How can I not boast of my God's awesome power.
My dr found the lump right away. I could see her concern. She sent me directly to a women's radiologist. I was able to be seen within the hour (a miracle in itself).
And there it was. This mass. Staring at me on a big tv screen. My stomach felt sick. I immediately thought of my girls. My husband. Our life together. Those minutes waiting for the radiologist to come in were, quite frankly, some of the scariest of my life. My heart ached.
Because I'm nursing, they chose to not do a mammogram, but an ultrasound.
The radiologist came in and said he felt like it was benign due to the lack of blood flow. He mentioned it being just a solid fatty benign mass. I heard the words but my heart still hurt so badly. I asked what I needed to do. He said he wanted to take another look in 6 months.
I asked if this could have anything to do with me nursing or my milk ducts he said no. Which was basically the only definitie answer I felt I received.
My dr wanted me back in three weeks to monitor it. She said we weren't taking any chances. The feeling of uncertainty. The feeling of no black and white this is what it is and this is how to fix it. I wanted a solution. I wanted to fix it. But my savior kept telling me "I Am". "I am the I am". "Be still".
Now granted. This was all in the middle of our move. A time of joy and happiness. I chose joy. I decided the enemy was NOT going to steal this wonderful blessing of a new home. he was not going to steal my joy.
Three weeks passed.
Friday as I sat in the room waiting for my dr, My Lord kept whispering, "be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power". My heart was at peace.
My dr came in and we sat and went over my results, she suggested I see a breast specialist. Again, just to be proactive and possibly get a biopsy to make sure. She gave me the "if you were my family member" line. And my heart sank.
She then examined me. "This is good. This is really good!!!!" She exclaimed. I knew in that second. I knew. My God is so much bigger.
"I can't find it. I don't feel a SINGLE thing!" She said. She kept exclaiming how awesome this was and how good it was. I was basically in tears. Happy tears. Thankful tears. She double. Triple. And triple checked again just to be sure. And nothing.
As my mom put it "I believe strongly in Gods protection. I'm not more deserving than anyone else. I just believe strongly in His protection. "
I grabbed a Starbucks to celebrate. And came home and loved even more on my girls than usual.
I will have another and hopefully final check with the radiologist before the end of the year since we've already met our deductible. I'm trusting in my saviors strength and power. That He moves mountains. Ones that I don't even see.
My God is good no matter what. But when He vividly shows me just how powerful He is and how loving and good He is. I stand in awe. Or more like bow in awe at his feet. I serve a mighty, mighty God!!!!