{the trenches}

my.   goodness.

I have felt like I've literally been in the mommy trenches, and even just as a family lately.  my last post referred to this, but.  as it happens in life sometimes... it just got worse! i mean, you can't make this stuff up!  we've experienced everything from xrays, to our fish skittles dying (yeah and the fun of explaining death to a two year old), to Rob injuring his ankle pretty badly!  there's been a lot of sleepless nights.  a lot of praying and crying.  but there has also been a lot of good!

Harper got so sick!  she was diagnosed with pneumonia the beginning of last week, and then by Friday of last week we were getting chest xrays for her.  talk about scary! then Hayden's cough started. all weekend i felt like i was literally in the mommy trenches, fighting for my babies' health!  nights were spent holding them and rocking them, and sitting in our bathroom with Hayden with a steamy shower going.

over the last week and a half, i've done a lot of praying over my babies.  a lot of crying.  and i've experienced a LOT of mommy anxiety!  it has been so hard, friends!  i haven't slept. i've felt like a shell of myself, just going through the motions of life lately!

at one point, on Sunday night, as I sat in our bathroom, steamy shower going with my coughing/gagging baby, trying to nurse her and calm her - i literally screamed out to God... "I've asked you to heal her!!!" (as if He has to do what I ask right?! oh how I act so much like my own 2 year old at times!).  I heard His voice say - "I am."  It honestly makes me tear up just typing it.  "I am".   If you've studied scripture at all, you know how profound those two words are.  "I AM".   I stopped right there. Right there and then, I was reminded that He is the I AM.   That just because the path He was taking to her healing didn't look like I wanted it to (I just wanted Him to take it all away!)... it didn't mean he wasn't healing her.  I needed to have faith in my God.  I needed to trust Him.  After all, Hayden is His.

Monday I was filled with such anxiety.  In all honesty - I hadn't slept in over a week, my babies were sick, my heart just hurt!  I knew logically (and still know) that this sickness will eventually end... but it's so hard to see that when you are in a trench.  The light above you seems so dim!  I'm so thankful for a husband who has been standing with me in this mommy trench.  I'm not sure what I would've done without his strength the last couple of weeks. I'm also thankful for those friends.  You know the ones... the ones that send you food, gift certificates for carry out, and offer to bring meals over.  The ones who stand beside you in prayer for your kids, just as they were their own. 

As of today, both girls are improving.  Hayden has had a couple of good nights - no major coughing fits.  Harper still has a bit of junk in her lungs, but it isn't getting worse.  I am believing and trusting for complete healing for both of my girls! They are just so precious to me! 

Through my zombie mom mode, there has also been so much good.  My brother and sister in law came to visit this past weekend and stayed with us.  What a blessing they are!  We enjoyed having them here SO much!  I am so sad that they had to leave.  We celebrated not only our nations birthday, but the birthdays of both my in laws!  My sister's birthday was also this weekend, and how fun it was that my brother and I were able to face time her together!  So fun! I'm honestly super sad that I was just going through the motions all weekend!  I still had fun... but how much fun would it have been if I had been myself.

Enjoy some pictures from our summer!....Here!

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