{the healing side...}

Of miscarriage.

My heart breaks every time I see some one post about loss. 

I've been there. Twice. 

It is quite literally the hardest thing I've ever been through. 

& even in our marriage. 

The first two are obvious. The third one - don't be surprised if your husband is sad, there for you, but not quite as shattered as you are. Especially if it's a first trimester loss. For men, a lot of times they don't begin bonding with the baby until they see your body changing and sometimes not until the baby is born. While mommys typically bond with our babies as soon as we see those pink lines. Within minutes we envision a whole life for our child. And that doesn't include miscarriage. 

What I can tell you is this - one day you'll heal physically. One day you'll probably scream at your husband in anger... Anger that he's ok and you aren't. Anger at God. Anger for just anger's sake!!! And then.... One day you'll heal emotionally. 

The later took longer for me. A lot longer. 

Then one day I realized without that loss there would be no Harper. And as much as I mourn the loss of our first (& third) pregnancy, the world needed this precious little girl. I may not understand the reason for miscarriage but I do understand that the world needed this amazing little girl, which just happened to be my second pregnancy - and since she was conceived three weeks after our loss - she never would've happened if we hadn't had that loss. That is so hard for me to wrap my mind around. But I can understand that we needed her. Our family needed her. Our world is a better place because she's in it!! And trust me- so is yours!! 

She's a world changer. She already prays for her family and friends and thanks Jesus for you all!! Her heart is so pure and bigger than big!! Her compassion runs deep and the joy that flows out of her is contagious!! 

I am so thankful that I have two heavenly children that I haven't officially met. Their little lives are so special and meaningful to my husband and I!! For they had our hearts from that first positive pregnancy test!!

But I can say - the healing on the other side is a little surprising.  Surprising in that I thought I'd mourn forever... that my heart would remain broken.  But when I found purpose in God's plan, and in His ultimate plan for our story, I found ultimate healing.  And I am so thankful!!

I constantly pray for all mommys that walk this same path.  So, if that's you today - if you are reading this and wishing and longing to be on the other side of this process - know you are prayed over and most definitely, not alone!


  1. Such a powerful post. I'm so sorry for your losses. I think your post and perspective will really help others going through a similar situation.

    1. Thank you so much, Shann!! That has always been my hope - with anything hard that I've been through - that someday I can help someone else that might experience the same pain. ♥

  2. I'm so sorry for your loss. Miscarriage is awful, and definitely one of the hardest things I've experienced too. I'm still waiting and struggling for us to have our "Harper", and have it all make a little more sense. Until then I'm just trying to keep the faith:).

    1. Oh, I'm so sorry for your loss as well! It is such a heartbreaking journey!!! Praying for your little blessing right now!! ♥

  3. My heart goes out to you mama! Your strength is inspiring and this post is going to touch so many other mother's lives who have experienced the loss you have. Thank you for having the strength to share your experience with miscarriage with the world. Just think, one day you will be able to meet the little ones you lost too soon. What a glorious day that will be!

    1. Oh thank you so much for your sweet, kind words!!!!