{remember when…}

remember when….

we thought we knew what love was. …  5 years ago today.

since then, we’ve broken one another’s hearts too many times to count.  we’ve picked up the pieces of one another’s hearts over and over – whether it was our own doing or broken because of something else.  we’ve cried.  we’ve struggled.

oh, but how we’ve laughed. the joy we have brought one another. the happiness. and the love. the unconditional love very much conditional love, in which we try to love one another as Christ loves us.  loving the other regardless of those conditions and many times completely in spite of those conditions. 

you are my best friend.  and I mean that whole heartedly.  many say that about their significant other.  but I mean it.  you’re the best.  I take out my worst days on you, and yet you’re there to hug me and smile with me.  You, my husband, are my rock.

I love that we get this awesome blessing to grow old with one another, raising children, and learning how to be adults along side one another.
Quite simply.  You, my husband, are my heart.  And the words “I love you” just don’t seem like enough, but I do.  I love you every second of every day! ♥


{a draft release: “tomorrow”…}

Here is a draft post I wrote the night before our first doctors appointment.  Man. My emotions were so raw that night. Rob and I sat in bed, after Harper went to sleep, praying and crying. I wish I could say fear didn’t have a hold on me, but I am human. I am flawed. And I was scared. I can honestly say, I trusted God no matter what, but there was definitely an outcome we were hoping for.
Needless to say, seeing that little heart flicker on the screen that day, about a month ago, was pretty amazing!!! What an answer to prayer this little one is!!! 
Draft post:
…. even though (if all goes well tomorrow) it will be awhile before we announce via blog – I wanted to document my emotions and thoughts tonight. Because it’s reality. The reality of a mama who has experienced miscarriage and loss. Heck. I think all women face this fear – it’s just more of a reality to some of us than others.
Tonight I can’t help but think – tomorrow could change everything. Tomorrow I could go from the feeling of life inside of me to emptiness or we could see a little miracle on that ultrasound screen. Only God knows. He’s already there. And I’m standing in that promise because tonight – tonight I’m kind of a mess.
This whole pregnancy the last two months – I’ve thought – if this isn’t a healthy pregnancy I’m done. I don’t think I can do this anymore. Also, if is a healthy pregnancy I’m fairly certain we are done. Either way – this is our last-first appointment. And only the beginning of many lasts if it is a healthy pregnancy – which brings on a whole different set of emotions.
My mom reminded me tonight, to not let fear in and that God is holding me and this pregnancy in his hand. What an amazing thought. And no matter what, He is good.
So here we go folks! I wish I could ask for your prayers for tomorrow. But some things just take time.


pregnancy rants…

yep.  they are already starting, ha! my pregnancy rants!
so, just when my clothes (kind of) started fitting right again… really do our hips ever go back just the way they were?!  just when all the mommy new hair growth (all those wonderful sprigs EVERYWHERE!) finally started getting manageable.  we hit the repeat button! I really couldn’t be more excited! I can’t wait to hold our new little baby in my arms!!! that thought alone is getting me through this first trimester! haha.  so please understand, these rants are coming from a VERY grateful and thankful mama! I’m so blessed that I get to be a mama again!!! but… this first trimester… oy!
I mentioned in my last post that this pregnancy is SOOOO different than my one with Harper.  With Harper, I was one of those annoying “pregnancy is wonderful and enjoyable” people.  I’m hoping and praying I get there again in a few weeks… because really, my pregnancy with Harper was one of the most joyful times in my life.  I loved it!
This one.  This one has been so challenging already! the Nausea alone is enough to drive someone absolutely insane.  I feel like absolute poo most of the time.  Seriously. 24/7.  There are days, which I consider good days, where that nausea is more mild and I can definitely push through it and deal.  Then there are days or moments where it completely stops me! No fun I tell ya.  And the back pain and sciatic nerve pain…. all I keep thinking is, “this is just my first trimester!!! If my back is hurting this bad now, what in the world will it be like in a few months!”  Not to mention labor… I had AWFUL back labor with Harper, which is one reason, at least I’m blaming it on it, that I think I’m having this back pain now.
Anyway, all this to say….
My new stay at home mom gig/ working a lot less hours gig is NOT what I had anticipated! I pictured Harper and I doing lots of park days and Tot School (which we did start this past week), and just using up every second, and me loving it.
well.  it looks more like this…
I go into the church for just a few hours a week, mostly in the morning to help with some admin stuff – designing the bulletin (I get to play in publisher a lot, which I love!), doing sermon notes, putting together slides for Sundays.  It’s all really fun stuff – plus I get some adult, using my brain time – which for me is super necessary! Then I come home and play with my little, eat lunch, and then even if she isn’t ready I beg her for a nap! haha.  We then cuddle in bed, napping and/or watching a movie or sofia the first until her Daddy gets home around 3 and rescues me.  literally.
I honestly feel like the laziest bum of a mom and wife lately.  Plus since I’m not feeling well, I take mama bear to a WHOLE new level… at least the bear part! When you feel like you have to throw up every second of the day, well, you don’t really feel like being pleasant. Poor Rob! He’s been a trooper!!!
So here I am, praying this all goes by the wayside with the first trimester. I’m 12 weeks now, so fingers crossed – with in the next week or so, hopefully I start seeing some relief.
Soon- we will also find out the gender of our little one!! I can’t wait! So much to do if we are right and having a boy!! 💙
I will try to do a update (other than pregnancy) soon!! We’ve had so much going on!!!