10.15.2013

more firsts...

today's first was not the pleasant kind... my first emotional breakdown on my ever so changing body! i've made an effort to keep this blog "real"... sharing the good and the bad. i'm sure all pregnant women have gone through this, but it's a first for me so here goes: 

i have a small frame... really, its freakishly small.  i've never had to worry about what i eat thanks to some fantastic genes (thanks mom & dad!!!)... i'm serious. no veggies... only candy, fried foods, and yumminess! and as much as i want.  granted, when i got pregnant, i started eating better and avoiding as much sugary non necessary things as possible...but all this to say...  for a girl that's never had to worry about her weight or watching what she eats, this ever expanding body has taken some getting use to (YES, i know it's healthy and YES i know its a good thing... so don't worry!).

today, on the way to work (of course... that's when all my epiphanies happen it seems), i teared up. i came to the reality that i will probably never be a size zero again (even though thanks to baby girl sitting high, i'm proud to say my size zeros are still buttoning, HA!). and really, truly, i'm ok with that in my heart and soul because i'm soooo happy and so very excited to have our baby girl HERE! i've never been a vain person. i don't really care much about appearances. sure i try to look nice (mostly for my hubby), but really it's not what i'm about. so, this caught me off guard. i'm blaming the hormones! and truth be told, really, i'm all belly and uhem... the other two girls up top. but when you see a number pop up on that scale that you've never seen before... yikes. my doctor says i'm right on track and that i look great, but still. that vain side of me that i didn't even know i had is screaming! and again, logically, i know it's great... i mean really, we aren't talking a ton... a measly 12 lbs. HA! realistically, its laughable that it sent me on a little hormonal break...but what can i say, i'm pregnant ;)

but somehow, as usual, my sister knew exactly what to say.  let me just say before i go into that, that my sister (as well as my mother) are freaks of nature. the women in our family are made for making babies apparently. the pregnancies are easy, the labor deliveries are short (8 hours being the longest... my sister's last one was like an hour i think), and the baby weight is dropped quickly. i'm thankful for these genes, but somehow wondering and praying that they were passed to me too, HA! so i immediately went to my sister during my crazy hormonal spell... her words to me:

"It will be easier than you think. You have good genes. And....I agree, it is a TOTALLY strange feeling. But cherish it. I'm already sad that I've felt my last little baby hiccups, kicks, rolls and punches. There is nothing like it. And, when they put Little Miss T. in your arms you'll realize that you've known her all along. I'm so excited for you and Rob. Get ready to shed some tears when you hold her for the first time. You'll instantly give your heart away in a manner that anyone other than a mother would find impossible. Beautiful!
Did I mention that I can't wait"

so now... now I'm tearing up for a whole other reason! haha. Thanks, sis! ♥  And really, please don't get all freaked out that i'm worried about my weight... i'm truly not. i know i have to gain weight for the baby to be healthy. this is just my struggle. my mini-melt down. and 99% of the time i'm in LOVE with my baby belly. i LOVE that she has been hanging out, out front since about 14 weeks. i LOVE that she doesn't have much of an option to hide in the back, because that means i got to start feeling her move super early! all in all i really do absolutely adore being pregnant! i'm one of the lucky ones that has gotten the "magical" pregnancy highs... i know a lot of women aren't so lucky! i truly, really, whole heartedly am thankful for each day ♥

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