today, on a blog i follow, To Love, Honor, and Vacuum, the wifey wednesday guest post really took me on a journey of what i would categorize as our bumps....a journey of rob and i's relationship but more of a journey of thankfulness.  thankful that we are where we are... that God didn't give up on us and continued to heal and continued to push us forward together. so for the sake of being real... here goes... our dirty laundry...

i was immediately taken back to the beginning of our relationship.  september of 2008. we had gone to see a movie that night and things were just off. they had been for awhile, even though we hadn't really even defined what we "were"... but, being honest, we were something. enough of something that when i asked what was going on, we began "the break-up talk".  he had dropped me off and headed home, only to turn around and the talk began. right there in my friend's and i's townhome in newport. we sat on my bed and i felt like he absolutely dumped all of this doubt on me. surprisingly enough, with tears running down my face, i said "ok". ... ok to breaking up (wait were we together???) and ok to the direction he wanted this to go...which was no where. i honestly didn't care a whole lot about breaking up, but more that he was my best friend and i knew that friends with your ex doesn't work...that's the HUGE chance you take when you date your best friend! by the end of the night/early morning, he had decided that he didn't want to "break up" but just to give one another space and decide what we wanted.  i agreed. that next night i went out with my roommates... honestly, ready to meet someone new, when all of a sudden my myspace page (yes the days of myspace) was flooded with comments from him and him asking me out on a date for the next night.  i reluctantly said yes. and honestly the rest is history... we never looked back! i joke that was the night he TRIED to break up with me and i used reverse psychology on him ;)  thankful to say that i was only rob's third and LAST girlfriend ♥♥♥

"i love you. i knew it the minute i met you. i'm sorry it took so long for me to catch up. i just got stuck."

That takes me to another late evening in january or february of 2010.  there we sat, in my room and stayed up all night long talking. completely being honest with one another.  some things weren't so easy to hear, some we already knew about one another, and some we would've rather skipped over i'm sure... but it was all laid out there. all of our junk. all of our baggage. EVERYTHING. there is so much power in truth. honestly, some of the things we discussed and revealed to one another that night would've made most people run the other direction.  tears were shed, silence was breathed in for lengthy moments. but we got through it. the next day (with no sleep... again we stayed up ALL night), we sat and ate breakfast and went about our normal lives. healed. empowered and strengthened. our relationship was rock solid. that's when i really started to notice REAL change in our relationship. i truly believe that is because there were no secrets...we knew everything! i know the enemy hated that night. he hated that we were honest, that those deep dark things we didn't want the other to know had been revealed, that we had decided to carry them together. & i'm sure he hated even more that our relationship then was on the fast track... just a couple short months later we were engaged and planning our happily ever after!

then marriage came.  i had no clue how to be a Godly wife. i'm pretty sure Rob wasn't too sure about that whole leading a family/wife thing... we basically just attempted to live our life and relationship as it had been when we were dating. oh boy. i wish future me could have told my then self to hold on to the reigns because goodness were we in for a ride.  the enemy attached our relationship from every angle.  selfishness. temptation. lust. greed. anger. really, you name it we faced it within, i'd say, the first 3 months of our marriage. we grew up quickly and thanks to a couple of amazing mentors, we came out of it all... once again, stronger. we were rocked. we were shaken. but because of our love and our love for God and his amazing grace, by probably month 4 we had the marriage we both had always dreamed of! it is truly amazing how quickly God can work when you give him access to the ugly.

i'm sure there will be times/years ahead of us that will be different but similar in trial.  we have had a few trials the past couple years, but they have been OUR trials... that's the big difference.  when we were dating and during those first few months of marriage, we took ownership of the trial... we each thought the problem was the other or that we each could fix it ourselves.  but we finally learned to be one and to let God fight our battles for us.  we faced the hardest thing we've ever faced in April, with the loss of our precious baby.  but as hard as it was, we walked through it together. it was a completely different type of low in our relationship.  it was awful, yes. it was dark, yes. every fiber of me hurt, yes. but we were in it TOGETHER! i truly feel that when you face things together, side by side and not separately...it is SO different.

i'm thankful for our pasts, and thankful for the junk God has brought us through so that we can have the marriage we have today... filled with absolute trust and loyalty, love and passion. ♥

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