2.08.2013

{30 Days of Blogging}



I saw this wonderful idea from the adorable blog, something about you n me ... different prompts for 30 days of blogging... So, I jumped in a day late, but since day one was 10 facts about you, and well, I linked up a couple weeks ago with a fun fact link up here, I figured I'd save y'all ♥





Today's prompt: Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and describe how they became fears.






Let me take you on a little journey to the past. I don't really like visiting the past... after all, we don't live there anymore. I used to be an extremely fearful person. I was scared of dying and practically of living. But when one gets shoved into life (i felt shoved, but in truth, I practically jumped into adulthood), So yep, at the ripe age of 20, I started growing up. Alone (emotionally). Let me also make sure you know, I have the most supportive family, EVER. hands down. but they were 9 hours away from me. all of them. Jump forward to year 26. I decided to be brave enough to live the life I wanted. Not only was I still spreading my wings and flying, I was half the nation away from my family at this time. So what's left to do, but lean on God, and make your own family. Done!






I learned that fear was something you have to look in the face. Look hard in the face. Say a prayer, and move forward.


I learned that no one was going to save me. I had to have the courage to save myself!






I learned that if I was scared, that probably meant that's what God wanted me to do.


I learned that some times we have to let people go to be healthy.






I learned that fear was never a good reason for not going after something I wanted.






I learned that many times you just have to grit your teeth and jump.






I learned to live.


I learned what true happiness was.






Now, I'm not going to pretend that there aren't a few things that still irrationally and not so irrationally terrify me. I am human after all. So, let's proceed.










1) Heights. I blame my Mom. I used to never be scared of heights!!! I'm not sure what happened. Age? Wisdom? or just silliness? We are talking palms sweaty, heart pounding, borderline anxiety attack scared. But... in typical me fashion, who cares!






Royal Gorge Bridge! Over 1050 feet high! GASP!



... yep. that. I walked across that. Twice!... just to prove to myself that I could! I don't think I'll go back anytime soon, but I'm glad I did it! I also declined going across the gorge in a little zipline tram. That was a little too much for me. At least when I'm walking across, I felt somewhat in control...hmmm. Maybe that's the root of this issue... Ha!!! I try to still push myself in this area, but let's be real. When you're feeling sweaty, and at risk of an anxiety attack, you gotta know where to draw the line.






















2) Loosing my parents and siblings. They have been all I've known in my 30+ years. They have been the one constant. Will I know who I am when they are gone? I just lived through my Mom loosing both of her parents. She lost her brother a couple years ago. The sadness and loss is unfathomable. And today, as I'm writing this post, a childhood friend of mine's father passed away. As my heart breaks for her, the fear of loosing my own parents is magnified. I am fortunate enough to find peace in the fact that I will see my loved ones again one day. But death. It's unknown. But thankfully we serve an all knowing God.


3) Last, and definitely not least, loosing Rob. I hope and pray we are one of those couples who get to grow old together and die together, seconds a part. But this is also life. I fear loosing him at a young age. The love of my life. Gone. We have made provisions so that if this happens to either one of us, the other is well taken care of. But, no amount of money could mend the void of not having him around anymore. I cannot fathom, nor do I want to. I saw my Grandmother live without my Grandfather for almost 30 years. Sure she had a great life filled with friends and family. But I know she missed him dearly. Just the thought of it makes my heart ache!... so much so, I'm done thinking about it.

















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