1.30.2013

The Fight worth Fighting

I'm linking up with To Love, Honor and Vacuum today... as she talks about Marriage (yes, one of my favorite subjects!).  Sheila's topic today is to Seek Peace, not the absence of conflict, one that I'm in total agreement with.  There are so many amazing blogs and link ups out there, that gosh, I could link up about 5 times a day in support of these fabulous ladies, but for you (my reader's) sake, I've decided to pick and choose ;)  This is one that I just couldn't help but want to link up in support of Sheila's content because... well, it's just so me, my husband, and our marriage! Granted, we are a bit more stubborn and passionate than most, but it works for us and at the end of the day, we are in love... the ewie, gooie kind; the kiss each other goodnight, EVERY night kind; the kind I dreamed of as a little girl.



Have you ever met a couple that says they never fight and always get along. Ha! Yeah, that's usually my inside response.  Either that, or I'm thinking, gosh, you probablyyy don't want to be friends with us, haha.  Let me back up and preface this with the fact that my husband and I are about an equal match in the passion department... no, I'm not referring to the hubba-hubba passion, got that covered too.... but I'm talking about when people use "passionate" instead of stubborn, hard headed, pig headed, hard to handle, strong willed, my way or the highway, use of passionate.  We neither one, to our knowledge have a drop of Italian ancestry, but you wouldn't be able to tell it if you over heard one of our arguments. But behind that "passion" lies the other kind... the hubba-hubba kind. The kind of passion in that we love one another so deeply and so incredibly that it drives us a little insane sometimes ;)

To the rest of the world, we are quiet, easy going, laid back people.  Let one of us tick the other one off, or heaven forbid hurt the other's feelings, and all bets are off.  You'll hear screaming and crying, and then, minutes later we are done. The conflict has passed, we've screamed, yelled, and sorted it out.  And I can guarantee you that we rarely address the same subject twice.  We get it all out and it's done. To most this seems unhealthy, but for us, it works. We can look back, learn, laugh, and appreciate one another's "passionate" side.  I cannot remember a time that we have gone to bed angry, or left something unsettled.  We generally know where the other stands. There's no reading between the lines.  Our relationship, even the bad, is filled with complete honesty.  We tend to laugh at the fact that we both love one another so much, yet know just the right buttons to push.  I also like to remember that we fight for what we love the most.

As Sheila mentions in her post, I believe many wives couple submission with having no opinion, or no voice. This couldn't be further from what God has intended in our marriages.
"If we decide that our role, as wives, is to state our position but then say absolutely nothing ever again so that God can convict our husbands, then are we seeking peace? Are we attempting to become of one mind? Are we united in thought and purpose?"
You can look back to my post here, a few weeks ago, in reference to my view of the role we wives play, and God's call to us to submit to our husbands and to him.   

Do I believe that God wants all marriages to be just like mine? No way! We are in no way perfect, but I can tell you that for this season of life, we have found what works for us.  I encourage you to speak your mind in love.  If your husband hurts your feelings, let him know.  If you would've preferred something be handled differently, let him know. He isn't a mind reader, how will he ever know if you don't tell him? All of this should, of course, be done in love.  I often times have to remind myself of this... to speak in love.  Even when we are yelling, and having it out like a couple of Italians, we are careful to guard our words. This isn't for everyone.  "Fighting" looks different to everyone.  But again, we must fight for what we love the most, each other.  It's also very important to remember, that at the end of the day we are on the same team.  As husband and wife, its you against the world, no one else. It isn't you, husband, and your mom, or you, your husband, and your best friend.  It's you and him, with a lot of help from our gracious loving God, who after all, modeled marriage as a reflection of His relationship with us.  He understands. He wants our marriages to be open, honest, loving, and healthy.  I totally understand that 'healthy' looks so different to everyone. So I encourage you to "fight" for your marriages, and find your comfortable healthy.   
Now go love on your hubba-hubba, husband ♥ & join me tomorrow as we add to our never ending lists of why we love our husbands at the Happy Wives Club! 

4 comments:

  1. I agree wholeheartedly with you, Carrie and with Sheila too, on this one. And my husband and I are also very "passionate" (with little or no Italian in our background either ... although I do LOVE Italian food!)

    Anyway, I feel like there's a slow kind of death that takes place in a marriage when we cower behind our feelings. And of course, as you've said, the truth must be said in love--a hard balance to strike sometimes. But openness with our spouse is absolutely essential to bonding and growing in intimacy.

    Thanks for you wise words and following at my blog. I know you're devoting your post to Sheila's link-up this week, but I hope you join me next week at Wedded Wednesday as well. :)

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    1. Beth, I completely agree!! Holding it all inside is toxic! Unless you are one of those amazing people who can actually let things go... i'd like to meet that wife and know her secret, haha!
      Your blog looks so amazing! I love all things marriage! :) I truly believe it is one of God's greatest gifts to us! I will plan on linking up with you next week for Wedded Wednesday! :) I am a big fan of link ups! I love reading everyones blogs and finding new ones, like I did yours today ♥

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  2. Thanks for your post Carrie! It is definitely important as a wife to share our opinions, thoughts and views with our husbands in order to truly become one. If my husband is anything like most husbands, then men can be really clueless some times. They need to hear from us.

    I've also learned that it also important to recognize when to step away from a position order too. 1 Corin. 13:5 ESV translation reminds us that true love "does not insist on its own way."

    Stephanie
    happyafterthewedding.blogspot.com

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    1. I So agree Stephanie!!! I also believe that is what causes most disagreements... is insisting on our own way... thank God we are all a work in progress ;)

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